Word Stack or A Pile of Thoughts

Deep in the woods, she had found a place that had been forgotten.  She knew, from the books she had read at the library, that her town hadn’t always been a place of parking lots and department stores.  She knew that long ago, her town had been the camping ground of an army, and that a Danish knight and his six companions had built a fortress, and defended it against raiding tribes of Picts in the name of King Alaric of Northcumberland.  She knew that the ruins, overgrown with ivy and home to a flock of rooks, were all that remained of this knight.

She would take her books there, in a leather bag hanging over her shoulder.  She spoke words to the faeries(people told her that this was rubbish, but like most things people told her, she knew they didn’t know what they were talking about.) In her books were stories, stories of a time that had long ago disappeared, stories of deeds and omens, of steel, of flame, of sacrifice.  She believed that if she read these stories among the very stones that had witnessed them in those lost ages, her voice would reach into that past, and the heroes of that time would know their valor would never be forgotten. 

She grew up, and the world changed like it always does.  She moved to an apartment, which she decorated with lightly-hued linens and comfortable furniture.  She listened to music, and sometimes remembered talking to faeries.  And she would glance at the books on the shelf, and imagine she knew what it was to be a child, imagine she knew what it was to believe.

It was on the eve of winter’s solstice when she returned to the ruins of the knight’s fortress, her mind distracted by the words of someone she thought she loved.  Her feet carried her, without thought, down the familiar paths, past the faerie circles she had once revered, up the hill to the stones of the outer wall.  The ruins lay cloaked in snow, the world silent.  She sat, her breath forming the steam of Yngir, the first of the frost giants.  She smiled at the thought, and remembered the names of knight and his six companions, the deeds they had carved on the stones with the force of their courage.  She remembered the truths of her heart, etched upon memories of her past.

The favor had been returned.

Ever since I was three, I wanted to grow up to be Dr. Indiana Jones.  I know, it sounds a little stupid now that I’m 22 and graduating– not with a degree in archeology, but in communication– but that’s really all that I’ve got.  In some ways, this re-discovery of adventure comes because of 1) the new Jones movie coming out in May and 2) graduation.  Because now, more than ever, I feel like I’m standing at the edge of something.  Now, more than ever, it feels like the big adventure that I started eight years ago is coming of its own.

People say the world has gotten smaller, and I’d agree, as long as the world we’re talking about is the world of computers and office spaces and 9-5 and Starbuck’s; but, with the trips I’ve made, in the world of temples and artifacts, of elephants and monasteries, villages, ruins and rivers, in places where a nine-headed cobra looms over a city square, where an orange linen is wrapped around a headless statue of Buddha, where a moonlit night is spent wandering around a strange city… the world is as big and exciting a place as ever. 

The plan to a life spent in THAT world isn’t easy, because it involves the 9-5 thing as well.  Granted.  However, as long as I keep my heart set on what I’m living for, the grind won’t get me down.  And now, it’s not just wandering; there’s an idea that needs to come of its own, an idea about the world, about people, about culture, about what people believe, why they believe, and what makes one belief different from the next and how belief shapes the environment they live in.  I’m not going to settle for an answer someone else will give me, in a book or in a classroom.  I want to see it for myself, and that’s what learning is all about after all. 

Gimme my hat, slingbag and jacket.  Never mind the whip.

The following is a song by Loreena Mckennit. Although it is meant to be a prayer to God, I’d also like to think of it as a prayer to dear friend.

When the dark wood fell before me
And all the paths were overgrown
When the priests of pride say there is no other way
I tilled the sorrows of stone

I did not believe because I could not see
Though you came to me in the night
When the dawn seemed forever lost
You showed me your love in the light of the stars

Cast your eyes on the ocean
Cast your soul to the sea
When the dark night seems endless
Please remember me

Then the mountain rose before me
By the deep well of desire
From the fountain of forgiveness
Beyond the ice and the fire

Cast your eyes on the ocean
Cast your soul to the sea
When the dark night seems endless
Please remember me

Though we share this humble path, alone
How fragile is the heart
Oh give these clay feet wings to fly
To touch the face of the stars

Breathe life into this feeble heart
Lift this mortal veil of fear
Take these crumbled hopes, etched with tears
We’ll rise above these earthly cares

Cast your eyes on the ocean
Cast your soul to the sea
When the dark night seems endless
Please remember me…

Is it possible to fill up the internet with so much garbage to the point that search engines will get bogged down with the sheer vastness of useless information left behind over the years?  The current understanding of cyberspace is that it’s limitless.  But there was a time when we thought the same thing about our physical reality.  We thought the world was such a huge place that there was no way that we could possibly fill it all up or exhaust it’s natural resources.  That sort of short-sightedness brought us to the all the problems we face today. 

Is it possible and by what means is it possible that we could be making a flawed assumption about the capacity of virtual reality to sustain our information activities?

As I write this, Lozada is pwning the Arroyo administration with the help of the Philippine Senate.  My friend just won the Valentine’s Song Writing Competition for the second time in a row, with a piece that could very well have been written for an Andrew Lloyd Webberish musical.  The lecture on non-violence completely wiped all my depression over lacking something interesting to poke.  In the US, Obama is sweeping the Democrat caucus, and Hillary just fired her campaign manager.  It seems like this week some severe pwnage is being wreaked in my world. 

But that comes with the temperature dropping to a frigid 34 degrees F, and that’s not cool (haha).

Driving around the city tonight, listening to some Satriani pieces, I passed by a few places where I made memories, and it got me thinking about stuff about Dumaguete that I’ll be nostalgic about sooner than later. 

- The breakwater along the Hayahay-Looc front, where I used to bike while listening to a minidisc player I lifted from my sister.

- Sitting at the edge of the docks, watching people fish, thinking about stowing away on the ships (this was after reading a book by Jimmy Buffet Margueritaville).

- Sneaking to the top of the AS building at night to stargaze.

It seems like the most fun I had was in those first two years of being in Silliman.  Of course, with my father taking the position, a lot of my activities were curtailed.  But more than that, I had obligations to fulfill for the family, as well as the influence of my father to reach for more in my college experience.  I remember telling myself at the beginning of my first year, that I was here only to earn a degree, so I could get a nice job.  I wasn’t overly concerned about the level of education I was getting; I just wanted to experience life.  There weren’t as many frustrations.  A lot changed when my dad became the university president, and I don’t know if that was good for my Self (capitalized in the philosophical sense of the subject…Foucault, whatever).  But the later half of my college seems to have done for me something that I know that laid some serious foundations for my approach to learning.  My love for living life, getting lost in the moment, having fun– that’s all something that really won’t leave.  As long as I keep my sense of freedom, that fun won’t be far from reach when I want it or need it.  However, it was only through my father’s guidance, as well as a handful of other teachers, who made me think about things that really made my experience in Silliman a lot different from my classmates and peers.  The whole landscape of wanting to study in LSE and/or Cal starts here.  The whole idea of finding my big idea starts here.  And along the way, I’ll play-out my own adventures– hat, jacket, slingbag, knife and boots.

But I’ll miss what I leave behind; not in the deep, longing sort of missing, but rather in the nostalgic introspective sort of missing, the kind you get when you catch sight of something familiar, or hear a phrase or a taste something just barely there, and it triggers a memory of a place and a phase of life.

What next?

I’ve resorted to watching lectures by UC Berkeley professors and instructors on YouTube and listening to podcasts of more lectures from their website.  It’s keeping me afloat amidst the last leg of dilapidated lessons spewing from the classrooms that I’ve learned to avoid. 

Happy Valentine’s to everyone, both IRL and out there on the internet where "Men are men, women are men, and 12-year old girls are FBI agents."  The season reminds me of the line from "Rent" that gets repeated in two or three songs: "Connection in an isolating age." I think it’s an apt phrase to describe the state of human relationships today. 

In looking at our ideas about relationships, it is immediately apparent that there is so much material going around about love and how to find it, how to make it work, what to do with it, how to repair it etc.  The question of relationships is probably the most popular preoccupation of my generation, that’s to say, people in my age group.  Just listen to the CHR programming on any day of the year, Valentine’s or not: the subject is almost always about human relationships.  Moreover, a glance at some of the defining stories of this generation, such as The Matrix, Harry Potter, Heroes, Samurai X– almost anything in the popular imagination– there is some tie-in to the theme of love.  I didn’t know what to think when I read the end of the Dark Materials Trilogy (actually, after THAT part, i stopped reading, because it felt lame). It wouldn’t be too far off the mark to say that it’s a collective obsession.

From the biological standpoint, its easily explained: the second most important drive in an organism, after survival, is reproduction.  Since humans reproduce sexually, the question of relationships is of primary concern.  Okay, hats off to the scientists.  But the interesting thing is that the exploration of the concept of human relationships can’t be reduced to just that.  Because, like a lot of things human, we have to attach meaning to function.  And that’s where things get interesting.  A friend of mine said it was crazy, to think there’s so much mythos and philosophy surrounding what essentially amounts to hormonal reactions.  I think she’s right, but I want to make the distinction (which she left out in her ranting over the fact) that we don’t want to attach a negative connotation to that point, as if the whole culture of relationships is something "wrong" for what should be taken as something as just another biological function.

On another tack– veering so clumsily away from the paragraph above without any sort of finesse whatsoever– the interpretation and analysis of human romances can never quite match the experience.  Although I’ve (thanks to a healthy dose of Spanish Inquisitionish self-torture) reached the point of being happily single, I still can’t shake the idea that being in a relationship with someone is ultimately a better state of being ALIVE than being alone.  Any activity I could enjoy, I could enjoy more if the right person was around to share the experience.  The key phrase there is "right person". 

With regards to this question, I’ve learned something: that the "right person"  isn’t necessarily the same as the perfect person, or even the person who just knocks me down with her, umm, whatever it is she smashes me with (charm? intelligence? beauty? wit? sensitivity? whatever…); rather, its about just ending up with that person.  From a faith standpoint, it’s the idea that if you seek the kingdom of God first, then He’ll take care of the partner issue.  It makes sense, not just from the view of a Christian, but in a secular perspective as well.  In other words, you find the person you want to be with because you simply just end up together, and not because you go out picking up chicks at bars or asking out classmates or activity partners.  Because really, if the choice of partner is based on something as superficial as personality, or charm, or attractiveness, or "romantic feelings" or whatever else people use as standards, then it’s quite easily pointed out that 1) these attributes in a person change and 2) there’s always someone out there who’s going to be better (better looking, more intelligent, more sensitive, whatever).   A lasting, meaningful and fulfilling relationship is based on something more sturdy than personal preferences (even genetic predispositions aren’t reliable, because our genes don’t choose; rather, they give a set of minimum standards that an entire range of people will fit– hence the proverbial "love map").  What this something is, I cannot yet define; and its bothersome to ask more experienced, happily-married couples, and get the reply "We just knew."  It’s interesting to note that this has been the one constant answer I’ve received from people who have been happily married for over twenty years. 

But this week, I’m cruising along like every other week.  Cheers for those of you who have nice Valentine’s day plans waiting for you with your partner, and i’m sorry for those of you whose Valentine’s days are either going to be too simple– because your home alone watching Rob Schneider movies– or too complicated to be any fun.

Top Ten Moments:

10) CYF Retreat, 2nd Year: Sitting on the mountainside all night, counting 38 shooting stars, then watching the sunrise.

9) AUDC/International Student Conference, 2nd Year: Solo-tripping Singapore and Hong Kong.

SUSG, 3rd Year: Pissing off the student legislative council by camping outside their hall.

7) Acquaintance Party, 1st Year: Going wild and dancing like crazy to the shock of as-yet uninitiated classmates.

6) Campus Grounds, 1st Year: Free-running and jumping from the second floor of the AS building, as well as from the wall of the Luce Auditorium.

5) San Jose, 4th Year: Driving out late at night to sit on the seawall and look at the waves.

4) SU Hall Speech Choir Finals, 1st Year: Creeping around the haunted building, getting scared, then spooking other students.

3) COM RM 1, COM-15, 1st Year: First day of class and introductions.

2) Daro, 1st Year: Jian’s birthday, brought water-guns

1) Uncle Jed’s House, 1st & 2nd Years: Dungeons and Dragons, the Demongate Campaign!

Top Ten Songs

10) Let’s Get Retarded, Black Eye Peas

9) Carmina Burana, by Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart

Sugod, by Sandwich

7) Trip, by 6Cyclemind

6) The Internet is for Porn, from the musical Avenue Q

5) Scotty Doesn’t Know, by Lustra

4) Always with Me, Always with You, by Joe Satriani

3) HeroHeroine, by Boys Like Girls

2)La Vie Boheme, from the musical Rent

1) No Day but Today, from the musical Rent

Top Ten Inside Jokes

10) "Guys? Anyone want lotion?"

9) "Dude, I can eat ice cream with my hands…"

"Botch-queen!"

7) "Ako si Kalaw, at eto ang aking kasama, si Manok… intinaas ang mahiwagang bolo at ako’y naging SI LAPU-LAPU! ANG KAGITINGAN NG PINOY!

6) "Sing for me, Leon…" "WTF??!!" "PERFORM!"

5) Stop being so STUPID!

4) "Madame chair, the charch will move the people…"

3) "SINONG TATAY MO!!?"

2)"Oh yes, of course…" *insert patting with handkerchief*

1)"Huuuurrrrrggghh!

Top Ten Animals

10) Mike’s Dead Cat in a Trashcan

9)
Chimera of Al-Jaza’Ir
Ren & Stimpy

7) Julian Soler

6) Cheeto’s

5) Gir

4) Boaroth the Foul

3) Boo-Boo Bear

2) The flying-foxes at the Singapore Night Safari

1) Pasha, the Kangaroo Dog

Top Ten Places

10) Dumaguete Apartelle

9) Guy Hall

Kyosko’s

7) Hayahay

6) Dumaguete Airport Runway

5) Roof of the AS Building

4) Wasawas Residence

3) MassCom Sala

2) SU DebSoc Office

1) Uncle Jed’s House

Top Ten Food

10) Calamares at Hayahay

9) Pizza at the Italian aviator guy’s place

Neva’s Pizza

7) Hayahay marguerita pizza

6) Tempura Level 5

5) Bosing peanuts

4) Cheesebread

3) German potatoes

2) every birthday party at Jian’s

1) Primy’s Chicken Masala

Top Ten Drinks

10) San Mig Light

9) San Mig Strong Ice

DM’s Brew

7) Schnapp’s

6) Ballantine’s

5) Guinness

4) Tanduay Rum

3) Red Horse

2) Oettinger’s Bier

1) Dragonbelly

Top Ten Movies

10) Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle

9) Sin City

Madagascar

7) Appleseed

6) 7 Samurai

5) Star Wars

4) Rent: The Movie

3) Pulp Fiction

2) The Godfather

1) 300

Top Ten Games

10) Tekken V

9) Halo Multiplayer

Silent Scope

7) Command and Conquer 3

6) Burnout Legends

5) Counterstrike Source

4) Oblivion

3) Warhammer 40k: Dawn of War

2) World of Warcraft

1) Dungeons and Dragons

Top Ten Books

10) History of Communication in the Philippines, Crispin Maslog

9) Blink, Malcolm Gladwell

The Order of Things, Michel Foucault

7) The Silence of the Lambs, Thomas Harris

6) The Republic, Plato

5) Einstein’s Dreams, Alan Lightman

4) To Kill a Mockingbird, Harper Lee

3) The Second Sex, Simone de Beauvoir

2) Existentialism is a Humanism, Jean Paul Sartre

1) All the D&D Core Rulebooks

Takbochidos is my character on WoW.  I just need some place to store my talent builds for future reference.

Combat Swords
Ambush Assassin

Cheers.  If anyone is interested, visit the BurningWoW website, the server I’m playing on.  If you’re rolling an Alliance character, good luck to you, we’re outnumbered 5:1.  If you’re Horde, watch your back, because my rogue hunts blood elves on a regular basis.

I am becoming increasingly convinced that as long as the ones teaching are the products of their own lessons, education will go nowhere.